Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
