How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
