i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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