Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize