So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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