apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Randomize
