youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
