Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize