i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize