Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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