i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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