He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
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