Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
