just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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