Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
