normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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