My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
