The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
it's like iHOP with fire
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I have already put on my inside pants.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
