What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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