i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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