Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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