Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
