he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
