Someone shit on the floor
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
