sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
