I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
