I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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