you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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