I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
