my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i think my cat just said my name.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
