I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Randomize
