Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
