Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
