I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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