Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
