Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
