yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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