take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
