so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
