remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
