I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
