she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
