You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
