I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
