Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
