Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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