You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
