they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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