it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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