I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
