I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
