she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
