She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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