I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
