Apparently you make a good broom.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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