is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
