HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
