I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
