We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
