i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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