Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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