Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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