I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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