Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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